Today I'm thinking of new beginnings.. how the big things started for me. How I started them. The first one I want to describe, and from which the others originate - is how I left school, and dared to pursue my life "out of the box". I was 17, when I made a promise to my Grandpa one November while visiting his grave. I said that I would leave school, and one year later - I did it. Today I see it as my first independent step as adult. It was as though Grandpa asked me for it, or perhaps he suggested... He used to be a writer in his life, a journalist, a storyteller. I knew so little of him. Each year we came to clean his modest-made grave: no stones or granit plates to it, just a mound of soil covered with grass. We've put flowers and candles and spent some time there in silence. I believe my Father was saying poems in his heart. It was such a tender time.. And then one year I heard his voice.. offering, a little nudging, sending a concept right to my soul: "what if..?" Quitting wasn't easy. I had to deal with disapproval of my Father, who at that time was also my biology and geography teacher at school. Ex head-master teacher of my class and ex school's main director; it must have been hard for him too, to watch his daughter drifting into a whole other direction. Non conforming. Too free to be accepted... I quit simply because I wanted to have more time for doing the things I loved doing. And it really turned out so. It was early April, days were growing longer, and I was riding thought them on my new bicycle. There was suddenly NOTHING I needed to do.. But I did a lot of things I enjoyed: I drew, sew, danced, rode my bike, sung, explored Photoshop and my digital drawing pad, joined online Artists Community, listened to the music ALL the time and played my own music too, wrote poetry, wrote my memories,hopes and dreams... Finally I had the time for it all. Unlimited. Unbound. That spring I had given myself the key to the new world, which was entirely mine, and I was its creator. It felt enormously good. And it was simple.. Because of Being in conflict with my father, I have moved out from the city and into my mother's newly built house in the outskirts. The forest and meadows were right beside. My room was then still under construction, but as Grandma lived in her Forest House for the warm season, I was able to live in her apartament (half of the first floor of that house my mother had built). I had a small bedroom of my own, a spacious living room with a large desk, bathroom and kitchen, where I experimented with making my own foods for the first time. It was only a month or two before that I've recorded my first song. I had a simple acoustic guitar and was extremely inspired by seeing the film "Libertine", (which also became the title of my song). Some 2 years later I got my first digital mirror camera (Canon 450D) and started experimenting with photography. It was my 20th birthday and I wore a long black dress. I felt so happy and overwhelmed by a sense of opportunity, having no idea how to navigate that camera, I run upstairs with it straight away to do my first photo session! I used a thick, black tulle to match my dress and just had a lot of fun with it... A month or two later I started to fill my first Writing Practise notebook, with an intention to produce as much uninterrupted, free-flow writing as possible. I remember the first prompt I used. It was a line from a book Polish poet, Agnieszka Osiecka, and it said "Choć jeszcze jeden raz umrzeć z miłości..." (To die of love at least one more time..."). I moved from there. Sitting in my boyfriend's small apartament, I took some half an hour and filled 2 pages without pausing. It felt naked, daring and somewhat dangerous. I felt myself on a new mission, a gigantic wave from which one couldn't slide, but just drift on and on and on... In Autumn 2011 I took my first steps on Weebly platform and started to weave the virtual nest for my creations. The website was going to be just for myself and serve as archive for the things I was making, simply to keep an account of them and take pleasure in reviewing. I passed the link to my family and closer friends. I realised very soon that it was going to be my tool of empowerment as well... A reminder, that I was capable of making beautiful things, holding me through darker times and occasional stages of doubt. * * * I feel such gratitude.. to my family, myself and the world.. for this life and opportunities, for the threads of inspiration and the readiness to seize them.
The light and hope are much greater than I could ever comprehend, and I know there's so much NEW yet to come...
0 Comments
|
Archives
June 2021
Categories
All
© Agnieszka Olszewska
|